The best piece of relationship advice you’ll ever get! I know you’re thinking “How can she comment, she’s only just got married!” Well read on:
Three years ago, right before I met my now husband I read a book called ‘The Surrendered Wife’ for those of you who have never heard of it, it’s a must if you’re a woman looking to have a successful relationship with a man. This book WILL change your life. I’ve interviewed Laura Doyle for my podcast; the episode is worth a listen and will compliment this blog nicely.
https://itunes.apple.com/gb/podcast/kitty-talks/id1227202845?mt=2&i=1000384789434
I was and still am a stereotypical alpha female, I very much know my own mind and in my corporate life had always been the boss, but also very much alone in my private life.
I
f you’re a career driven woman, who wants to be in a successful, blissful relationship with a man; READ ON……..
If you’re feminine at your core the chances are you have this fantasy of meeting a man that takes care of you, with the two of you riding off into the sunset, me too, who doesn’t want that? To meet the one and feel loved and cared for?
Women nowadays are in new territory, we are now expected to have a career, earn money and are still the primary carers of children, all of which we need to juggle simultaneously.
Nowadays, as we evolve, we also want equality but old fashioned romance too. We want a best friend, a wild lover, and a spiritual level of understanding from our other halves.
No feminine core female woman wants to be wearing the trousers in her relationship. Seriously, who wants to make all the decisions, do all the planning, take the lead; that’s exhausting! I’m all for equality but in my relationship I want to be a princess and be cared for by my partner.
The key thing the book taught me and now life has shown me is if I want wedded bliss relationship harmony. I SHOULD SURRENDER!
What does this mean? It means staying in my feminine in my relationship. This last week, on my honeymoon, has been yet another reminder. Things work best when I surrender to the flow of life and let Matt lead.
Practically this looks like….. Letting Matt organise all the travel arrangements, hotels, taxis, flights etc… carrying all the money passports etc… paying for everything (it comes from a joint account) I don’t tend to look at the menus I mainly let him choose food wine etc…
In high end, expensive restaurants the women’s menus have no prices, I like this idea, it keeps me in flow. I tend to get freaked out if I see how much we’re spending, which puts me into fear so I tend not to look. I trust him with the money.I’m not advocating reckless spending, just trusting your partner has it under control.This way I get to stay in my feminine bubble and float my way through my holiday and life.
Don’t get me wrong I’m not a saint. I quite often forget my own advice and want to lead, but it never ends well, with as both pulling but in different directions and butting heads and leaving our romantic bubble to bicker!
I really think this skill of surrendering will be my life’s work. Things are so much easier when I do, but I often rebel against it later chastising myself for butting in.
So, I quickly remember that flow and grace beat being right and revert to shutting my mouth!
By letting Matt lead it does a number of things; I get to feel loved and cared for and he gets to feel respected. Respect ladies is like oxygen for men. The other great thing from our point of view is if I get something wrong I’m good at apologising and quickly restoring harmony. In a man’s world, if you apologise they drop it there and then we could learn from that.
The Surrendering skill takes practice and the book also provides you with six other intimacy skills you can master. It is important to also praise your man for all the organising and decisions they do make.
Think of your relationship as a dance you can’t both lead. The more you surrender the more the man steps up and is the man you fell in love with.
Unfortunately, when women go into fear we also go into control mode. This is not attractive and leads to disharmony. I know I do it!
As I reflect on my honeymoon we’ve had a wonderful time, yet I know I have a life time ahead of me of perfecting the art of surrendering and staying in my feminine.
Aloise X
The Surrendered Wife by Laura Doylehttps://itunes.apple.com/gb/book/the-surrendered-wife/id1107666587?mt=11