Throughout my twenties I never felt I fitted in. I grew through groups of friends, school friends and work friends. The square peg in the round hole!
‘Trust that your soul, it has a plan for you.’ -Deepak Chopra
From pain can come clarity, what if your darkest days are to move you forward to the right people?
Your soul has a plan, are you listening?
Right smack BANG in the middle of my addiction problems and at my lowest ebb came my most shameful act; I’d been struggling for years on the highs and lows of my messy weekends and my dark periods. I’d drifted away from my school friends. I think they’d had enough, one of them in particular. I can’t blame her I wasn’t easy to be around, drunk at almost every occasion, a liability! Of course, the sudden cutting off of our friendship and lack of explanation about why made my depression and anxiety worse, it hit to my core. I was right, I wasn’t good enough.
One of our group was getting married and she’d invited me to not only the wedding, but her hen doo. The night before the hen doo we went around a mutual friend’s house. I was uber nervous; I didn’t want to fuck up, I wanted desperately to be accepted. The night went well and I left thinking there’s hope, I’d been given another chance. But then I just wanted to let my hair down, all the pent-up emotion and anxiety. At that point in my life, I hadn’t learnt how to deal with it. With nowhere for it to go, I hadn’t learnt how to let out emotions. My options were drink them or party with them.
I left the house and instead of going home I went to another friend’s house where there was always a constant party.
Do I remember going to bed? No! All I remember doing is waking up at 12.00pm the next day.
The hen doo had started at 10am that day. When I reached for my phone I had 20 missed calls and the shame hit me like a tonne of bricks. I had over slept and totally missed it and of course made everyone sick with worry. I let them know I was OK and then crawled home.
I wanted the world to swallow me up. What had I done?
My hangover and come down came. I hated myself for letting everyone down. I never really wanted to face those people again, too embarrassed by my own behaviour.
As humans, we desperately want to fit in, especially when we’re younger. I never really felt that I did.
Hindsight is a wonderful thing. I’d never meant to hurt anyone or let them down. If I’d gone to the hen doo maybe I would’ve stayed attached to that group of friends? Instead I had to move on and in that moving on it caused me to grow. I finally started to listen to my soul and get away from my addictions. I found my soul path and everything changed. I went into meeting my soul family.
Only when I met my soul family did I realise why I’d never fitted in with any other group of friends.
Do you feel like you fit in? If you don’t maybe there is another group of people waiting for you.
Meeting my soul family was like meeting my partner, I just knew. I felt it in the pit of my stomach. I’d come home.
Fast forward ten years, I run The Network a peer group for people changing the world.
Do you feel like the square peg in a round hole and long for something more? Get on your soul path now we can show you how, join our community of Changemakers.
Here’s to the crazy ones. The misfits. The rebels. The troublemakers. The round pegs in the square holes. The ones who see things differently. They’re not fond of rules. And they’ve no respect for the status quo. You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them. About the only thing you can’t do is ignore them. Because they change things. They push the human race forward. And while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius. Because…..”the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones who do” – Rob Siltanen
Love